I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
