just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
