I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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