Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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