wat bout pragnant strippers??
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
