a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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