Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
