I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
