I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
