Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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