is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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