Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
