i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
