Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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