Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
