careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
