The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
