i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
