Small penises have feelings too.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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