I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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