Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
