i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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