Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
