In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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