Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
