Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
