Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we made out on top of his cat.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
