12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
