I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
