apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
