I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
