They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
