I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We are all done wearing pants today
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
