Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
