I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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