I think im going to throw up on grandma
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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