I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
