he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
