I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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