I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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