Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
