I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
