Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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