OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
