I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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