Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
