It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
