you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
