So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I am one with the molecules
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
