its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
